Warning: I’m feeling a little blue today. I don’t know if my melancholy is contagious but hopefully you won’t feel too depressed after reading this post. Feel free to prescribe your cures in the comments at the bottom of this page.
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Lately I have been wondering, well actually, torturing myself over one particular question: What is the real cost, the unspoken cost, of a life on the road RTW?
It’s not the money I’m worried about – we’re bang on schedule in that department (I’ll discuss our budget in more detail in a future post). It’s not quitting my job or selling my stuff that weighs heavy on my mind either. Nor does the fear of living 24/7 with Lee, and the strain that may put us under.
The things that concerns/scares/freaks the crap out of me most, is leaving the people I love behind.
I have searched the blogs of long-term travellers but have yet to find a post that discusses how they deal with the pain of missing people. Do their family and friends come out to visit them? Do they take annual trips back home? How do people deal with the feeling of missing out, and the overwhelming guilt of leaving those they love behind to go and live a life they don’t really understand? I have been clinging to this awesome quote for comfort:
I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy
I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.
- Art Williams
You see, it all started with a coffee.
The other day I was at home, sick in bed, when I heard a knock at the door. Looking rather bedraggled and unsightly, bundled up in my dressing gown, I hesitated as to whether or not I should answer it. I sheepishly tucked my hair behind my ears and went to the door, only to find my best friend Phillipa standing there, with a smile, a hug and a Starbucks gingerbread latte all for me. She had literally driven from the other side of town, via my favourite coffee house, just to come and cheer me up.
We sat at the kitchen table and chatted for a few minutes and then she suddenly burst into tears. She said she had been listening to a song on the radio on her way over that reminded her of me and had made her so sad. She couldn’t bear to think of me leaving, but loved me too much to ask me to stay. We both sat there crying, fully aware of the cost of my RTW travel, and what that meant to us. Being on the other side of the world to my best friend is going to be like torture, and to be honest, I don’t know how I am going to cope.
The song that made Phillipa think of me
It made me realise that it is these priceless moments that I will miss the most when I am gone – nothing else will be able to take their place. No matter how many amazing people I meet or connections I make on my travels, none of them will hold as much meaning as a hug and a cup of coffee from my best friend in the world.
I am so lucky – I have a wonderful family, and a group of friends I consider family too.
My mum raised my younger sister and I alone. Her own mum moved from Essex to Brighton to help take care of us while my mum worked. These two incredible women raised us and showered us with more love than you could imagine. And they still do. They are the bookends to my world, each of them holding everything together. It terrifies me to think of the disarray that will ensue when I don’t have them there to hold me up anymore. How will I keep my books in order, and will I like the story they tell? I am acutely aware that every moment spent with them is precious, and I question giving up so many of these moments in order to travel the world.
My bookends, my Grandmother and my Mother
My younger sister Ceri lives in Los Angeles, so we have already adjusted our relationship and I know that our closeness will continue via Skype and FaceTime. For some reason though, this doesn’t help prepare me for missing anyone else.
My older sister Rachel lives about an hour’s drive from me. Though we don’t see each other that often, I know I will feel the wrench enormously when I leave for India. Rachel also has a two year old daughter, my beautiful niece, Olivia. She is just the cutest little thing ever. Well, I say little, she is actually huge for her age and well on her way to supermodel status, with legs that go on forever and leave her with a Bambi like gait she never seems quite in control of! It has been incredible watching her grow up. Everytime she reaches for my hand and leads me off to explore fills me with such happiness. I am terrified of missing moments like these.
My older brother Huw recently married and I now have three new nephews on top of the one he had already blessed me with. Though I don’t get to see them very often either, going away means I won’t get the chance to share special moments such as birthdays and holidays with them at all, and I will miss waching them grow up first-hand. My nephew William is such a cheeky little fellow and makes me laugh every time I see him. I hope he will still want to do this over the internet!
My brother, sisters, niece and nephew
My best friend gave me the honour of being Godmother to her amazing little girl. Right now my Goddaughter Priya is 18 months old. She just recently said my name for the first time and I literally MELTED. That moment was so pure and joyful, I will remember it for the rest of my life. But what other equally pure and joyful moments will I miss spending with her? I will miss her birthdays, her first day of school, and a million other milestone moments. I feel like the worst Godmother in the world by having the audacity to leave her, this precious little bundle that I love so deeply.
My best friend Phillipa and my Goddaughter Priya
Then there are my three best friends, Phillipa, who I have already mentioned, Danica and Anna. God, leaving them is literally like leaving a chunk of myself behind. There are experiences that I only share with them, and nothing will be able to take their place. These three women are my soul mates, the family I have chosen for myself. Though I know they will always be there for me, I still worry about the things I will miss out on, and how this will make me feel while I am away. You better come and visit me LOADS ladies!
My BFFs, taken on my 31st birthday at Trailer Trash Night!
Sometimes I worry that the price is just too much and I stand there consumed by my buyer’s remorse, unsure if I have made the right decision. Though deep down inside I know this is right for me, I still worry about all the non-returnable moments I am walking away from. I just hope Art Williams was right.
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How about you? Are you preparing for RTW travel yourself and do you find yourself with similar concerns? Or are you currently travelling? If so please share your thoughts on this subject – I would love to know how you stay connected with everyone back home.
Hi there, I'm Hannah, a writer, traveller and truth seeker in my thirties. I paid off my debt, sold everything, and am now travelling the world indefinitely as I pursue a life less ordinary. 
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
You make some great points Hannah. And we both have neices named Olivia! I don’t even like thinking about leaving my nieces, as they are the ones I will definitely miss the most. I guess I take comfort in knowing that I will miss them more than they will miss me, and also that hopefully I will be able to pass through my home city on the way to other destinations and spend real, quality time with them. They may even visit me somewhere, and what a magical experience that would be. I, for one would love a traveling aunty living in some far flung place that I could visit – maybe they’ll feel the same.
As for the friends- suck it up. Just kidding! I like to think of life as a fluid, moving, and fleeting creature, forever transforming and changing, and if we let ourselves move with it, amazing moments will come to pass.
We can’t hang on to any of it, not even special times with our loved ones.
It’s gonna be tough, but maybe the time leading up to leaving is the hardest part…
The similarities continue! I love it! You are wise beyond your years Sarah and your words are like much needed therapy at the moment. I know I am wallowing somewhat lately but felt I needed to get this off my chest. You are so right about the world travelling aunty though – I would love to have one too and will wear the title proudly
This is definitely the hardest time though… I’m not wishing my life away but I’m happy to give it a bit of a nudge! Let the sucking up commence xxx
In the next 9 months I promise to try to spend as much time with you as possible (although not always easy with my family commitments and all your babysitting!) as I will also miss you lots when you leave for India and the beginning of living your dream! But I will always be here for you wherever you are in the world and Olivia is already a Skype expert so she is not about to forget her Aunty Hannah… and we’ve always wanted to go to India so please expect a visit from us at some point in the future! We don’t have to see each other all the time to remain close – just remember you will forever be close in my thoughts. Love you xxxxx
Ah, thanks *sob* Rach, that is so sweet *sob* of you to say *sob*. You are such an amazing big sis and I love you xxx
Great Post, Hannah! IMHO, you are actually giving your loved ones the opportunity to experience the world through your eyes/blog. I am sure you family and friends would not have you stay back without experiencing your dream, and I must say (and agree with you) that the cost is absolutely on both ends, family and friends probably will pay the same price (i.e. miss you), but I truly think it will be worth the expense.
. I remember spending hundreds of dollars about 13 years back when I just HAD to call my family/friends when I was settling down in the US. The cost of keeping in touch has since significantly dropped and is now only limited by the time we invest.
And, skype will help bridge the distance
Great Song, BTW
Ciao
Ajay
Thank you for yet another lovely comment Ajay – and you are absolutely right. I know my family and friends would never ask me to stay but sometimes the thought of leaving seems like such a daunting task. I am so lucky to be travelling at a time in history when Skype and FaceTime are so easily accessible!
Hello my lovely girl, I read this yesterday and was sooooo moved by it and felt your pain and sadness! I can emphasise… but I also know that you have to follow your dreams otherwise you don’t live life to the fullest that you possibly can. You’ve made good contingency plans so just follow that path that you’re making yourself =) The world is small now, thanks to communication and travel… and as you are so conscious of what’s involved, I’m absolutely sure that you will make sure your family and friends feature in your future as much as ever. Love you loads. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thank you for you kind words of support Claire Bear. It’s having such amazing friends like you that gets me all emotional in the first place! xxx
Hi Hannah ~ Our family just started our travels in July and I am still feeling into the pain of leaving people behind. I’m finding there are waves to it. There’s the acute distress of saying good-bye, the withdrawal pangs of not seeing people that you are used to spending a lot of time with, and then the slow release of homesickness as the months stretch.
I do my best with Skype calls and cards in the mail and Facebook updates, but you’re right ~ there is no replacement for time with the people you love.
And I’ve come to the conclusion that you have ~ this is the price I have to pay for this life. There’s no assuaging or making up for it. I just have to pony up the cost. The hardest part is knowing that I am making my loved ones pay this cost too, without the benefits that I get of simplicity and freedom to see the world.
We are facing our first Christmas away from our parents. Part of me doesn’t even want to think about it, just ignore what’s going on at home and have our tropical celebration here (our family is in Canada and we are in Malaysia). And I also know that I need to allow myself to feel the pain and let it move through me. So I listen to the songs at the mall about “the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful” and picture my folks, my siblings and nieces and nephews, together without us. It hurts, there’s no denying.
I’ve found an upside to leaving too. I’ve had some of the deepest, most intimate conversations with my family because the reality of good-bye, the length of our time away, provoked those conversations. I’ve actually had more contact and closeness with my siblings since I left.
I’ve decided not to guilt myself about the effects of our decision to travel, but to notice the sacrifices and honour them, and appreciate what we have all the more.
Thanks for bringing up this subject, I think you’re right that it’s important and overlooked. You have beautiful relationships with your family, and I bet you will see them evolve in surprising ways as you prepare and embark on your trip. All the best, Alison
Hi Alison, thank you so much for your heartfelt and evocative comment, I am thrilled to connect with someone who feels the same way. I know how you feel about spending Christmas away from your family and it is definitely one of the hardest times to be away from home. I will definitely try to “notice the sacrifices and honour them”. I will be sure to check out your blog and follow your journey. I wish you all the best and hope you have a wonderful Christmas xxx
Hi Hannah,
I’m home for a short break now after 9 months of travel. I wasn’t planning to be home so soon actually but opportunity struck. Honestly, this has been a heartwrenching part of the journey for me. Around month 3 I was truly in a depression over my homesickness. But it got better. Sad as it is, I had to adjust to not hearing those voices and seeing those faces everyday. So if you feel awful at first, give yourself time… you will get used to it.
And I encourage you to make time and money to visit home occasionally, even if only every two years, and on the opposite years try to get someone to visit!
Good luck… this is the burden that all long-term travelers will bare.
Best,
Alex
Hey great blog!
am in the very preliminary stages of planning a RTW trip for myself and partner (both 23 not students) but having lived as an expat in Egpyt the aim of the RTW trip is not just to see amazing destinations, but also to visit friends friends in specific countries which should hopefully keep the cost down and let me see some folk I haven’t in years. The issue is they are very spread across continents which hikes the budget!
Just wondered how much you would budget for a 6 month trip taking in
Africa, Asia, Australasia, and South America? I am looking at 6,000 but do tell me if that is far too low! We have a lot of free accomodation!
Many thanks for your help! Read so many blogs but struggling to see anyone that has done this route! x
What a beautifully written piece! I’ve never read about this topic by any other traveller. I’ve only read about leaving pets behind, which to me, tears my heart up, because I leave my husky Scotia behind each time. It never gets easier.
As for my family and friends, I do miss them, but I always stay connected via facebook and skype. It is hard knowing I am replacing real life experiences and little moments with these people in lieu of a far away life, a life they really don’t understand nor encourage. But, I know that although I am missing things in real time, the bonds we have won’t break or be weakened because I am away.
So I never say goodbye to the people I love, I always say see you soon. Because although I am abroad, I always make it a priority to come home once a year.
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