Over the past two weeks I have experienced a huge internal shift. My recent emotional stresses have dissipated and the constant chatter of my mind has been muted to an almost inaudible whisper.
What now fills the space is an altogether novel sensation of calmness; a knowing. I feel like I have crossed a threshold; I have gone from being a dreamer, to a doer. I have found my place among that fabled group of people I always privately envied, those people lucky enough to have their dreams come true.
When I first allowed myself to conceive of this dream I had no idea how far it would take me, or how much it would change me. Or maybe change is the wrong word – more than change me, this dream has healed me, and allowed me to realise my true capabilities. I feel stripped of all the many ties that bound me to a life I wasn’t truly living. I gave my dream life, and in return it handed life back to me. It has been an unexpected gift I am eternally grateful for.
The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
For the past 18 months my life has been turned over to the process of nurturing my dream and allowing myself to wonder at its limitlessness. It has been a very long, exhausting and emotional journey, but one that was absolutely necessary. It has left me forever changed, in all the right ways.
I have learnt that there is no end to my determination. Though I have felt knocked to the ground several times over the last year and a half, and indulged in a good deal of self pity, I have managed to come out the other side each time a little bit tougher and more resilient. I am stronger than I gave myself credit for.
If I had known the myriad of changes, lessons and pleasant surprises that facing up to my dream would instigate, I would have done it years ago. But in not doing so, I truly believe that I have been gifted with so much more. I am in a much better place to enjoy the fruits of my labour, and feel a heightened sense of gratitude I believe only hard work and sacrifice could have brought about.
This has, without question, been the hardest thing I have ever done. Working diligently towards something I am so passionate about has resulted in a strange culmination of feeling endlessly broken down and built back up again. Dreams and reality have been woven together like a tapestry bound with over-locking threads – each crossing the other in the opposite direction, and yet working together to create something unique and beautiful.
Our life is composed greatly from dreams, from the unconscious, and they must be brought into connection with action. They must be woven together.
- Anais Nin
I have always considered myself a dreamer, though I probably fell more under the daydreamer category than active dream-maker. Ever the optimist and never the activist; that was me. But once I set my mind to it and put the wheels in motion, I realised that every action, no matter how small, kept me moving closer and closer towards my goal.
From where I sit I can clearly see the cherry red plastic of the Flight Centre travel wallet that contains our RTW tickets. They sit proudly on the dresser, serving as a constant reminder of how far I have come. I have done the hard part, and survived it.
For the past 18 months I have chased after this dream, never quite getting within touching distance. Now, with these tickets acting as the physical embodiment of everything I have been working towards, I feel as though my dream and I have finally been formally introduced. I imagine us smiling at each other and politely shaking hands. I pause for a moment and soak it all in, then say:
Hello dream, it’s nice to finally meet you. You’re so much more beautiful in real life.