Down but not out

Time is moving faster these days. Like, super fast.

I’m sitting here struggling to think of something to write about to update you on the past week, because I can’t remember any of it. Last week has become this week, and life flashed right by me before I could take notes.

I’m trying so hard to savour the time I have left here at home, time with the people and places I love. But after months and months of time taking its time, it seems the Universe has decided to change things up a bit, and the days are passing by in a blur.

I have no control.

This is unknown territory for me. Up until now, pretty much everything that I have done over the past nineteen months has been under my control. I had a dream and I made it happen; I took charge of a life I wasn’t happy living, and I changed it.

I controlled it.

My life didn’t please me, so I created my life.
- Coco Chanel

So this weekend, when something happened that I literally had no control over, it threw me for a loop.

My web hosting provider decided to conduct a hardware upgrade, and sent Lee, my resident IT guru, an email:

We’re pleased to inform you that we will begin upgrading your account, and all associated subdomains, to a new hosting server within the next 48 hours. This upgrade requires that we take your websites offline for a short period of time to complete the transfer. Anticipated downtime is between 1-2 hours.

They lied.

On Saturday night this site went down. For 18 hours. All of a sudden, time slowed right back down again, and hours stretched out like days under a foggy haze of uncertainty and impatience.

After around four hours I was in a major stress. This blog is my baby, borne of my deep routed dreams and desires to lead a life less ordinary. I wanted it back. Now.

But my whiney demands went unmet, and Lee was unable to answer my constant repetition of “But why is it still down… why? WHY?!”

So, being the more pragmatic of the two of us, he went to our hosting website and began a live chat with an ‘interactive customer service agent’ to find out what was going on. Their conversation went something like this:

Connecting to agent…

You have been connected to Lisa.

Lisa Says: When you are ready just type ‘Hi’ to let me know you’re there…

You: Is this upgrade going to improve load time? My current load time is very bad.

Lisa Says: We Guarantee 99.9% uptime.

You: Not uptime… LOAD time.

Lisa Says: Are servers are very reliable, and we guarantee 99.9% uptime!

You: Are you a computer Lisa?

Lisa Says: We Guarantee 99.9% uptime.

You: This is pathetic. Like your hosting.

Lisa Says: Are servers are very reliable, and we guarantee 99.9% uptime!

You: Don’t you mean OUR servers?

Lisa Says: Are servers are very reliable, and we guarantee 99.9% uptime!

***

Helpful.

As I cursed my useless hosting provider, the words 99.9% uptime circled round my mind. As much as I hated it where web hosting was concerned, I realised it was the perfect description for how I am feeling at the moment. I too have 99.9% uptime, and my downtime is ever increasing.

As the days blend into weeks, and our departure date draws ever nearer, I am learning to relax and make the most of the time I have left here at home; my downtime is something to be savoured. In fourteen short weeks I will leave this life behind, and take my first steps into the new one I have been dreaming of for so long.

For more than a year and a half I have functioned at 100% uptime, giving all of myself over to the process of creating this new life. Now that I am almost living it, my uptime is dropping. The tiny percentage of downtime that fills the space has changed everything, and taught me a very valuable lesson in the process.

You can try and control your destiny all you want, but it is only when you relinquish control and let your uptime drop a little, that the Universe has a chance to play her hand. She rushes in and grabs the opportunity, and gives you exactly what you need.

A new way of living. And new web hosting.

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